I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
