I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
