Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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