Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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