K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
