He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
