Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Houston, we have a blender
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
