i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
