This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
