My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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