Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
