If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize