you guys were way drunker than both of me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
