Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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