and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
