So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize