I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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