I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
