just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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