Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
