Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
