i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
