It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
