So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Boobs are out for the taking
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
