Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
