I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
