Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
