So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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