I have demons in me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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