onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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