My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
