I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
