I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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