I bet he comes in French.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
