So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
