her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
