3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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