I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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