whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
