so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
