i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
