I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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