I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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