hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
