i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
