I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
