She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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