i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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