found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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