I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
