I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
