I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
