I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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