You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
