Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
