I think my fart just growled at me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
