I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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