I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
