the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
