6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
