1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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