i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
