ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
