If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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