he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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