I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
